Last time, I wrote about my fears and difficulties with not having everything I needed for my classes. Well, I found out I could go to the on campus bookstore and purchase most of what I needed using direct debit from my financial aid! I am extremely relieved. I hate being unprepared for classes. I have a deep rooted need to be as prepared as possible so as to reduce the likely-hood of my being singled out as lacking supplies. I need a few more items for my drawing class but I will have to get those elsewhere. I have commandeered all of the available supplies the campus had available. Not it is just the waiting game for my financial to go direct deposit to my prepaid card.
The only major thing I feel shaky about is how I look. Am I dressed in fashion from oh, 6 years ago? The wrong colors? Do I put others off with my appearance? I want to appear approachable, friendly, and relaxed. At the same time I do not want to lose that soft edge of professionalism in my dress. Where is the line drawn between these two? How will I know if I go too far either way? I imagine by looking too professional I may be mistaken for one of the faculty, but would dressing too relaxed point me out as a loser, a layabout, or a trouble maker? So I tread lightly. Once my monies are freed up I plan to do a little clothing shopping. All the clothes I have now are old and, in my mind, childish. Who wants to wear T-shirts and jeans every day? I prefer dresses and skirts. I will have to see what I can do to match my wardrobe to my expectations.
I also note a feeling of relief from being out of the house. I love my family, I really do, but sometimes their bickering can be down right depressing! I won't go into detail, the details are not mine to disclose. I am sure many of you understand what I mean though. I know some fighting is healthy for a relationship, but constant or near constant is not healthy for anyone. I work everyday to be less stressed and less aggressive in my communications with my friends and family. As a sufferer of Bipolar, I find it difficult to control my anger, but anything worth doing is worth doing right. So, I keep on practicing controlling my words and attitude.
Until next time, breath, count to ten, go for a walk. What ever you need to keep your sanity.