Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Normal? No such thing.

I am in between classes right now. I'm sitting in the library, at one of their computers letting my thoughts run rampant through my head. I had read an entry on my favorite blog. Now that I think about it, I do not think I have been notified of a new post on that blog in quite some time....anyway, the post was about being normal or rather how we can't be normal because normal doesn't exist. It is so easy to think that but when everyone around you is asking why can't you be normal? Why can't you hold a job? Why are you so lazy? Why can't you finish a task?  It is so easy for those that do not live with my illness to judge me.  Right now my brain wants to sleep, read, sing, draw, run and hide all at the same time. I can't do all of them at once so I end up doing something entirely different. Writing on my blog.

Speech class wants us to give demonstration speeches in a week. I have ideas of what to do but can't seem to hold onto one idea long enough to flesh it out. What do I do? I am so lost. No one would understand if I tried to explain it to them. How do you tell someone that isn't sick about your symptoms? How do you explain that you feel like your bones are trying to vibrate their way out of your skin? How do you get them to understand that focusing on what they are saying is making you want to lay down and sleep even though you are so very interested? I can't, so I end up looking rude or selfish or even crazy. You can not be normal, there is no such thing.

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