Saturday, May 26, 2012

Fading memory

"I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound-if I can remember any of the damn things."  Dorothy Parker

Everyday someone loses a memory. Some cherished, some better forgotten. Some think to themselves upon this discovery, "About damn time!" Others mourn the loss. Sometimes I wish I could forget all the memories of times shared with a wonderful man of my past, it aches me and breaks me that I gave up waiting for him only to find him when I am not free. The ties that bind may be fear based or love based, these days it is so hard to tell the difference. When my husband and I first got together he told me he had no clue what love was. A few days later he insisted he knew and that I was love for him. I loved him then, I may still but I do not know how to tell with every emotion blending into a dull line of, "Sure, whatever."

Is this my illness speaking? The meds dulling the borders of emotional territories? Or am I falling out of love with the one I chose to be my mate? Will I ever know? Does anyone know?

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