"I might repeat to myself, slowly and soothingly, a list of quotations beautiful from minds profound-if I can remember any of the damn things." Dorothy Parker
Everyday someone loses a memory. Some cherished, some better forgotten. Some think to themselves upon this discovery, "About damn time!" Others mourn the loss. Sometimes I wish I could forget all the memories of times shared with a wonderful man of my past, it aches me and breaks me that I gave up waiting for him only to find him when I am not free. The ties that bind may be fear based or love based, these days it is so hard to tell the difference. When my husband and I first got together he told me he had no clue what love was. A few days later he insisted he knew and that I was love for him. I loved him then, I may still but I do not know how to tell with every emotion blending into a dull line of, "Sure, whatever."
Is this my illness speaking? The meds dulling the borders of emotional territories? Or am I falling out of love with the one I chose to be my mate? Will I ever know? Does anyone know?
Friday, May 25, 2012
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sydney J. Harris Everyone has regrets in their past. Things they should not have done, things they should have done and others they wish had been done differently. I love my life as it is but I constantly feel a tug telling me things could have been so different had one thing worked out differently. If I had told that one person how I felt, if he had felt that way about me...if all of our common friends had not been so angry at the magnetism between us that drove us to spend so much time together. Perhaps if things had worked out differently his daughter would have been my daughter and we would still be together for I am THAT loyal. Despite the failings of our marriage, my husband and I find ourselves still together after 10 years. We have 3 insane little devils we call children, ha ha. But still I am drawn each night to think of the great man in my life that I am resigned to call friend to the end of my days. The one who deserved so much better than the woman who left him and a darling little girl to go party. Now he works endlessly to support his baby girl. So lonely an existence. I hope that our chats on Facebook ease his pain. He is a good man and no matter how much it hurts, I pray every day that he will find someone to love him as I do, maybe even more.
I started mystery shopping in April of 2012. I find I enjoy it a good deal. People ask if I make a profit. I make enough to pay the expenses plus a little yes. I also get to keep things I buy and only do required purchase shops that pay a fee and reimburse for the purchase. It is not worth it to do a shop that only gives a fee but requires a purchase OR only reimburses you for the purchase. It has to do both in the case of jobs that you must buy an item for. It helps to supplement those jobs with ones that do not require a purchase and pay a fair fee for the job. If you are picky and group jobs to make it most worth while you can not only enjoy it but make money doing it. It also helps to sign up for many different companies. I am currently signed up with 14 mystery shop companies and one company that does in store demonstrations. In April I made $11, in May I made $82, I am looking to be paid about $110 in June. Slowly but surely making my way up the pay grade! Loving every minute of it. If you want to get started I recommend Market Force Information as your first company. Just go to marketforce.com and signup. They pay via direct deposit.
Friday, May 11, 2012
I have to wonder why life seems to run on and about money. There are things more important but greed causes everything to rotate around it. If people were less inclined to make as much as they can with as little effort as possible then more people could support their families. Of course that would require effort. It is a very sad catch 22 that our world lives in. One day it may be our greatest downfall. There are too many restrictions at public gardens. There are not enough public gardens to support their communities. Everyone thinks of what they can get for the excess they have. It is indeed a very sad world. For now I will do what I can for my family and share when we have more than we need. It is the least I can do to set an example of change for the world. What example will you set?